If last week felt like summer vacation, this week feels like exam week - sleepless and stressful, but without the inevitable party and good feelings at the end. My light heartedness last week may have been due not only to the great weather and the discovery of a new season with Anna, but also to a great week of sleep. It was the first stretch of good rest since we started traveling in April. Since that time, Anna has been battling one illness after another. We were feeling elated for a few days, hopeful that we were through a rough patch.
Last Thursday Anna started waking again, a lot. There's a tooth. And, there's another tooth. And, there's a runny nose. And, there's a rash. And, there's diarrhea. And, there are dreams about animals and fish. All of this, along with who-knows-what developmental things might be going on, means that we're not sleeping much. The lack of quality rest for Anna and me means we're both tired, impatient, and cranky, and that's not a good combination. I'm constantly torn between feeling sorry for her and feeling sorry for myself, which is not a good place to be. I am always overwhelmed by how much sleep deprivation (and simultaneously raging hormones) can mess with your head.
Right now, it's 4:00am, and I'm not sleeping. Anna and I are at Mo D's house this weekend, visiting for Aunt Kelly's bridal shower. Daddy is home, hopefully getting some much-needed rest. We've been up for almost three hours now. I'm obviously a tad delirious (and should re-read this tomorrow before I even think about posting it). It's in these exhausted moments that I'm most difficult on myself, feeling like I'm doing all the wrong things or not being patient enough with her. It's in these exhausted moments that it's hard to remember that this will pass, that the truth of this moment is just that - a fleeting moment, even if it doesn't feel like it. Although sleep has often eluded us over the last two years, and Anna may never be an "easy sleeper," it's not often this difficult. It will get easier again, and the other fleeting moments, the happy ones that pass all too quickly, will shine through.