First Visit to the Dentist

Getting all dressed up for x-rays.

I wish I could say Anna's first visit to the dentist was a planned one. Last night after bath time, Anna sat on the potty with wet feet. After emptying the potty, she decided to take a seat again, only this time, when she tried to stand up, she slipped and pivoted forward (hands resting on the front of the potty), and she landed square on her chin with all of her weight behind the fall. At first glance, it appeared she just scraped up her chin, but we soon realized there was blood from a gum laceration and a front bottom tooth looking suspiciously out of place.

After the bleeding slowed and medicine started working, Anna finally fell asleep. An hour or so after calling our dentist's after-hours emergency number and hearing nothing, I found a pediatric dentist online. She actually answered the phone, spoke with me on the spot, and said she definitely wanted to see Anna as soon as possible. So, off we went this morning, hoping that Daddy and Mo Do's company and our Elmo-visits-the-dentist book would ease this first visit under less-than-ideal circumstances.

Whether it was Elmo or all of the talk about Daddy visiting the dentist yesterday, something worked. Anna was incredibly brave and strong, even when she was a bit scared. In general, the news from the dentist was good; she expects it to heal fine, albeit out of place. The bone and tooth are not damaged, and as far as she can tell, there is no damage to the adult tooth underneath. She did try to push it back in place, twice, and Anna only cried with the second, apparently uncomfortable, attempt. We go back in one month, three months, and again in six months, as the dentist wants to ensure it heals properly and doesn't get infected. The not-so-fun news is that the ligament holding the tooth in place is obviously loose, so every time the tooth has pressure on it, it moves around and bleeds, slowing the healing process. And, this happens when she nurses. So, we're trying to get through today without it, which will probably be the most challenging part of the entire process.

Seriously, while Anna was pretty shaken up last night, she really handled the pain and the scare remarkably well, better than her mommy, no doubt. The dentist visit went better than I could have imagined, due in no small part to plenty of preparation, Elmo, and the kind, accommodating dentist who took us in as a new patient at the very last minute. Thanks to Ann Arbor Pediatric Dentistry.

Picking out a toy and a sticker after the hard work is done.

Toddler Time

At the zoo with Emily and Harper on Tuesday. Out the door late, again, but we made it!

Toddlers live totally in the present moment. I love this...most of the time. Living in the present is something I've struggled with for years, turning to meditation, affirmations, exercise - you name it - to bring my Self more fully to the here and now. Having Anna in our lives means I more often find myself lost in moments, totally unaware of the past or the future.

The rest of the time, though, like when I have to be somewhere, I'm not feeling so fond of a toddler's blissful ignorance of the clock. As Anna grows, I'm finding it more and more difficult to reach any destination on schedule. And, I LOATHE being late. I've been punctual for as long as I can remember. I have memories of my dad reinforcing the importance of being on time - there's a person waiting for you whose time is important, too. While I try my hardest to be punctual, I have a little girl who now has her own plans, her own pace, and her own opinions. It's not easy these days.

I find myself wondering how we'll ever get to school in the morning, when that time comes. Granted, Anna won't be nursing then, so we won't have the lazy 20 or so minutes that we all snuggle in bed, rest our eyes, and steal a few more moments of quiet. But, still. More often than not, our morning continues with Anna asking to read stories. She sets aside books that she HAS to read in the morning, because it was too late to read Just One More Story the night before! We usually have a small battle over changing out of PJ's and her very wet diaper. If I haven't showered the night before, I have to squeeze that in before breakfast, which I'm doing less and less during the day. It just eats up too much time. I might throw on some clothes before breakfast, or not. And, we might brush teeth and comb hair before breakfast, too, depending on what we have planned for the day. It can be oh-so-difficult to wrangle Anna back upstairs for hygiene when crayons or bubbles wait for her downstairs. Then we make oatmeal and fruit, take our vitamins and probiotics, and sit down for an increasingly lengthy breakfast. It's wonderful to be able to really taste our food and talk about the day ahead, but this pace doesn't easily shift when we have someplace to be. When we do have a plan, the dishes get left behind, oatmeal floats in the pan with a little water to prevent sticking, and food waits for us on the floor. Usually, I'm out the door with a ponytail in my hair, no make up, and a wrinkled t-shirt. Gone are the days of mascara, cover-up, and carefully blown dry hair.

Of course, before we leave the house we have to change her diaper (again), make sure the diaper bag is packed with snacks, water, sunscreen, hat, hand sanitizer, diapers, books...while this is not new, the insistence of a toddler who wants to go down the stairs her SELF at a snails pace or go back to put that toy away (because she insists on putting it away NOW) is. Often it's kinda cute. Often it requires a lot of patience and letting go, too, as I hope that whoever is waiting for us knows that I'm trying really hard to move faster. It's a balancing act, I guess, just like everything else. I pick my battles, letting Anna walk the steps sloooowwwly while insisting that she NOT go back to put the toy away, even as she is sobbing about it. And, I cringe as I look at the clock, hoping that I have one of those days where I easily find a parking spot and miss all the red lights so I don't have to wait even longer at the doctor's office.

While living on toddler time is definitely an adjustment, in the end, I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's a gift really - Anna's present-moment-awareness brings Blake and me back to Now when we're together. And that won't be around nearly long enough. So, I'll try to savor it for as long as I can.

How to Eat Cookie Dough

I prefer to eat my cookie dough with a spoon, right out of the bowl, with a glass of red wine in hand. But, Anna likes to lick the bowl and the mixer attachments, making sure to get as much of the dough onto her face as possible.

Anna says...

Everything. I've been compiling of list of the adorable (and sometimes not-so-adorable) things that keep coming out of Anna's mouth. Words, phrases, songs...the list gets longer every day.

Jamamas, or pajamas, if you will. It has to be one of my favorite words.

Our dinner and nighttime prayers. She says them both almost in their entirety. I'm sure nobody else would understand, but we're still in awe that she remembers all the words.

In the car, attempting to keep Anna awake on the way home--

Me: What do we need to get at the grocery store tomorrow, Anna?

Anna: Apples

Me: What else?

Anna: Carrots

Me: And, what else?

Anna: Organic pineapple

(I had no idea I use the word organic THAT much!)

SELF!!! This means I Want To Do It Myself! Spoken no less than a bazillion times per day.

This week in the kitchen, as I was cooking and Anna was playing--

Anna: Crap, crap, crap!

Me: What did you say?

Anna: Crap!

Me: Did you say crap?

Anna: Ya.

Me (thinking): Watch What You Say, Kellie!!

Are you going poopie? Or, more appropriately, I'm going poopie. She hasn't figured out her pronouns, and she is in this "phase" of making statements in the form of questions.

Vibadin. This means vitamin, of course.

I'm carrying all this stuff! Anna announced this from the back seat of the car after her birthday party. One of those things I must have said. The way she said it was so cute. My laughter just encouraged her, and she says this phrase daily now.

Hydrated. She says this often when I ask that she drinks some water on these hot summer days.

Other cute exclamations:

Lots of traffic!

We made it! (When we arrive home).

Hard work out here! (Whether we are working or playing, it's all hard work. Fortunately, we're "having fun!" much of the time, too).

Beautiful! (A long drawn-out word, sounding more like beeeuuutiful, with a little rotation of her head each time she says it, often spoken about flowers or a picture she's drawn).

Ate all!

Oh my gosh! or Oh my goodness!

Then there are the words that she's proven she knows how to say now, but she's still attached to the old pronunciation. A few of my favs:

Orange: eengo

Raisin: nagngo

Sling: emu

Juice: ga

These are the things I want to remember.

Summer Pasta

I haven't posted anything about food in a while, and I don't really know why. We've been cooking as much as ever, drowning in vegetables from the CSA. Although our own small plot hasn't been wildly successful this year (we have NO tomatoes - we learned that we need to transplant the seedlings much earlier next year), we have more than enough kale and chard to last a lifetime, and we have a proliferating basil plant, among a few other things. We've also been given some lovely tomatoes and zucchini from friends and colleagues.

Tomatoes and basil are one of my favorite summer combinations. We tried the following recipe last week, given to us by Blake's Italian co-worker...the same one who shared his grandmother's ragu recipe. It was a perfect weeknight summer meal.

Summer Pasta

4 large ripe tomatoes, cut into 1/2 inch cubes

1 lb Brie cheese, rind removed, torn into irregular pieces

1 cup clean fresh basil leaves, cut into strips

3 garlic cloves, peeled and finely minced

3/4 to 1 cup, plus 1 Tbsp, good quality olive oil

2 1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp freshly ground black pepper

1 1/2 pounds penne pasta

freshly grated parmesan cheese

Directions

Combine tomatoes, Brie, basil, garlic, 3/4 to 1 cup olive oil and salt and pepper (to taste) in a large serving bowl. Prepare at least 2 hours ahead before serving and set aside, covered, at room temperature.

Bring 6 quarts water to a boil in a large pot. Add 1 Tbsp olive oil and remaining salt. Add pasta and boil until tender but still firm, 8 to 10 minutes (or according to package directions).

Drain pasta and immediately toss with tomato sauce. Serve at once, topping with grated parmesan cheese.

**We did not make the tomato sauce ahead of time, and it still turned out fine. We also cut the recipe by 1/3 and used whole wheat pasta and goat brie. It's fairly garlic-y (which we love), but if you don't, I'd use one less garlic clove, or saute the garlic for a minute before adding it to the sauce.

Tough Topic

As we sat at the breakfast table yesterday, Anna excitedly pointed out that Journey, one of our beloved neighbor greyhounds, was going out for a walk. When she didn't see Shadow, she pointed that out, too. I couldn't help but tear up when I tried to explain why.

Sadly, Blake and I heard just the day before that Shadow had to be put to rest last week. We knew it was coming soon, but we didn't know it happened already. Somehow we missed seeing even Journey this week, so I thought it was possible that Shadow was still around. Hence, I hadn't prepared myself for the tough conversation that would inevitably follow Anna's discovery that Shadow is gone. I was probably also in denial that we would actually have to address it with Anna, but I should have known she would be acutely aware of his absence and the emotions that go along with it.

We told Anna that Shadow is gone; that his body isn't here, but his spirit still is; that he is in a happy place. We knew it would be confusing - how do you explain death to a very sensitive, very perceptive two-year-old? We colored a picture for our neighbors and delivered it yesterday morning. She saw the sadness in our neighbors eyes and made note of it later. Anna has been talking about their family of four, now a family of three, all day long.

Today, while we were biking back from the park, Blake stopped at a house to ask someone for a pump. His tire had been flat for the entire ride, and his emergency pump wasn't working. He told us to go on ahead. Anna was upset the entire way home. She was obviously worried about Daddy, asking where he was, wondering why he was gone. The reaction seemed a bit out of proportion to the circumstances. Then, while we were rocking and talking (A LOT) tonight before bed, it all made sense. She told me about "Daddy gone," and later she reminded me that "Shadow is gone," and they, of course, sound the same. How could she know the difference - that when we go, we always come back (barring something catastrophic and, hopefully, unlikely), but that Shadow is gone for good. I tried, without getting too in depth, to reassure her that she needn't worry.

I'm not sure if it worked, and I'm not entirely sure we approached this the "right" way. We wanted to be honest with her, without overwhelming or giving too much detail. I could have told her Shadow ran away and is probably living happily on a farm somewhere, which is what my parents told me when they had to sell my epileptic, aggressive dog. It certainly made more sense to me at the time. Had we prepared ourselves and thought about it beforehand, we may have done something different. I'm sure "the experts" would have had other suggestions as well, but in the end, I know Anna would be sad no matter what we told her. She knows Shadow isn't around anymore. That's the bottom line. That's what broke my heart yesterday.

It was a tough conversation. And, it's only the beginning!

Firsts This Week - In Photos

Raspberry picking at the farm with Harper and Emily.

Anna enjoyed helping for the first few berries, but the girls tired of it quickly. It's not easy! The vines are poky, and the best berries were pretty picked over.

Looking for the perfect berry.

And then eating it.

I loved the colors of these flowers.

All my attempts at taking a picture of Harper and Anna failed. They were either overexposed, or Anna was in tears.

Painted piggies. Anna held very still for the painting part, not so still for the photo part.

Tea parties for one or two or three with lots and lots of "tea." Anna has always loved this tea set, but we've only just discovered the fun to be had when we fill the tea pot with water. Anna is really hydrated!

The Rocking Chair Story

The rocking chair (and me) 30 years ago.

Every day and every night Anna and I snuggle in our rocking chair. It's not one of those modern, comfortable gliders with soft arms and a rocking footrest. It's an old, pine rocker with rungs along the tall back, which creak with each rock back and forth. Two teeth marks tattoo the seat of the chair, it's scratched and worn, and a rather retro design of vegetables and fruits is etched across the back. But, I love it. And, Anna loves it. It has an amazing story, which Anna asks to hear daily.

The "Rocking Chair Story," as told to Anna, goes like this...

Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Anna. Anna had a mommy, and her mommy had a mommy named Mo D. Long, long ago Mo D bought a rocking chair. When Mommy was born, Mo D rocked and rocked and rocked her until she was almost too big to fit in the chair anymore. One day, Mo D decided to sell it in one of her (now famous) garage sales. A nice woman named Ms. Lynn bought the chair, and when she noticed how upset Mommy was that she had to part with the chair, she told Mommy, "When I'm done with this chair, you can have it back."

Twenty-some years went by, and Mommy met Daddy. They were just months away from getting married, and Mommy was out dress shopping with all the Mo's when she got a phone call. It was Ms. Lynn. Somehow, after all these years, she found Mommy and told her the story of the day she bought the rocking chair. She told her she was now done with the rocking chair and offered to give it back to Mommy, as promised. "Would you like the rocking chair back?" she asked. And, Mommy said "Of course!" (This is where Anna always chimes in to the story).

**Note: I new Lynn growing up; we worked in the same department when I was a summer intern at Dow, and I went to school with her daughter. However, we'd never discussed the rocking chair. I had no memory of being upset when it was sold or that she promised to return it. I was shocked to learn the story of the day that I said good-bye to the chair, and I was overwhelmed with emotions. I felt so grateful for her thoughtful, generous gesture and for the return of this family heirloom. Knowing that I would be able to rock my own child in this chair one day made me very, very happy.

So, a few days later, Mo D went to pick up the chair from Ms. Lynn and brought it to Mommy and Daddy's new house. And a few short years later, Mommy was rocking Anna in that rocking chair, just like Mo D rocked Mommy so many years before.

Mommy and Anna in the rocking chair, 2008.

Photo courtesy of Emmy Gallery.

Birthday Girl, Take Five

We're convinced that Anna must think birthdays are month long affairs. We celebrated Anna's birthday again this weekend, this time with Mo and Papa D, Aunt Meg, Aunt Kaity, and Riley. It was her fifth time opening presents and her fourth time blowing out candles to "Happy Birthday to You." She loved the singing and presents just as much as the first time and enjoyed the company of family once again.

Mo D dressed Anna up in the bunny costume that Mo and Papa Mox bought her (part of an entire wardrobe of dress up clothes she received for her birthday!)

She makes a pretty darn cute bunny. Notice the "ban Anna" she's wearing underneath- Aunt Lisa made her a bunch of these adorable head scarves for her birthday.

I love this picture of Mo D. Anna took it almost entirely by herself. She's very interested in being on my side of the camera lately.

All dressed up for her party in the amazing dress and matching head scarf Aunt Lisa made.

She thought she should sleep in her baby's cradle. She also tried to "sit" on the park bench that came with her new Playmobile figurines and became frustrated when only her foot fit. *Notice the dress!

Riley, rambunctious as ever, despite her recent surgery. Anna was still timid with Riley, warming up to her just before they left.

Anna wouldn't let Aunt Kaity or Aunt Meg miss out on running through the sprinkler with her.

Anna on Papa D's lap...if only for a minute!

Birthday cookies this time, homemade by Mo D.

Staying Cool

It's been so, so hot this week. This is how we've been staying cool:

Anna and I went to the $1 movie at the theater with Harper and Emily on Tuesday morning. It was Anna's first time and Harper's too, and they both did remarkably well.

After a hot trip to the farmer's market to pick up our CSA share on Wednesday morning, we unloaded our loot and noticed the sprinklers were on. We couldn't resist soaking ourselves right before lunch. Speaking of lunch, salads have been on the menu. We've been rolling in lettuce from our garden and the CSA. Anna loves her greens loaded with croutons, olive oil and aged balsamic.

Pigtails, or piggies, or ponies. They're keeping our heads and necks cool.

More sprinklers, this time in the back yard. I hooked this one up to the hose, and once again we soaked our fully dressed selves.

Some time at the pool. Yes, this health nut of a mom gave her little girl potato chips...and, Anna loved them!

And, popsicles, of course. Anna, somehow, managed to get her shirt up over her head like this all by herself.

We enjoyed an early morning painting session on Anna's new easel, without clothes, in the shade. The paints, by the way, are amazing - completely food based, vibrant colors, and easy to clean up. I found them at Stubby Pencil Studio - I'm loving this site.

A Time for Everything

Last week I received not one, but two phone calls from young men inquiring about my coaching services. This might not sound odd, but it really is strange. I haven't received any inquiries in I-don't-know-how-long, and rightly so. I haven't updated my website in two years. I haven't put the intention out to receive new clients in that long. Even more surprising to me is that the calls were from young men, while I worked primarily with women.

I couldn't help but wonder if these phone calls meant something. I believe in meaningful coincidences; in other words, I think it's important to pay attention when the universe sends you messages, especially if you've been asking questions and seeking answers. But, I haven't been pondering a return to my coaching business, at least not right now. The topic has come up though, in one form or another, in the recent past. And, the calls, along with seemingly unrelated questions or comments from friends, have had me thinking more about what I want.

I definitely noticed how difficult it was for me to turn a client away; part of me longs for a different (not better or worse) sense of accomplishment, longs for that rush I used to get when a client had an "A-ha" moment, longs for making a difference with my unique strengths and skills. That part of me really wanted to say "I'd be happy to work with you." I didn't say this, though. Maybe I would have if the calls had been from ideal clients, if the new babysitter we're so excited about was back from Russia, if I wasn't so out of practice, if a second child weren't in the back (or front) of our minds, if all the stars were aligned. It just didn't feel right, for one or all of these reasons. The other truth is, I'm also a one-thing-at-a-time kinda gal. It's going to take a lot of practice and some coaching (for me) to master splitting my attention between work and my kids.

I'm fortunate to have a choice between working at home and working elsewhere. I'm sure there will be a time, once again, to choose a career as a life coach, but for now, a career as mom and home-life manager is my choice. As challenging as my current job is, it's also pretty wonder-full. So for now, I am (as one of my coaching colleagues so eloquently suggested) content "to be fully engaged in the wonder of these years."

Fourth of July Tradition

Saturday morning, the day after Anna's birthday, we piled food, clothes, overnight necessities, and river gear into the car and headed to Papa and Mo Mox's for our family's traditional Fourth of July river float. This year was special for us; it was our first year back since Anna's birth. Last year Blake had a wedding to attend and the previous year, well, we were in the hospital delivering a beautiful little girl. We missed the tubing trip, the ham roll-ups and cheese sh**, the burning of the Christmas tree, too many beers around the camp fire, and most of all, we missed the time spent with family and good river friends. Even though it's all a bit different since the last time we were there - there was only one grandchild and now there are four, which means many of us were more responsible and more tired for less-than-fun reasons than in past years - it was still a memorable, enjoyable trip. That hasn't changed.

We celebrated Anna's birthday, lazed in the backyard, toasted marshmallows, floated the river as a family (thanks to Papa and Mo J who came to watch all four girls), played in the new, Papa-made sandbox, relaxed in the hammock, fished with new Dora, Tinkerbell, and Princess fishing poles, and of course, ate hot dogs and drank beer. And I took a few pictures...

Opening presents by the river. Yes, this is what Anna's curls look like after sweating and wearing a hat all afternoon!

Baby Allison's rolls were hard to resist. She had her own spot under a shady tree.

Uncle Kyle and Josie fishing with her new pole. All the big girls loved fishing.

Papa readying his pole.

Ellie eating marshmallows under the hammock.

Ellie and Allison - sweet kisses!

One of the highlights of Anna's weekend - holding baby Allison!

Happy Birthday!

It was a very happy 2nd Birth Day, and Anna told us so. She exclaimed that she was "having good day" and "having fun" enough times that we're sure of it. She woke this morning to both Mommy and Daddy wishing her a Happy Birthday in her room. We all settled back into bed and opened her first present, a drum "like Angela's" at music class. Daddy made french toast and blueberries by request, after which we packed a cooler and hurried to the car so we would be at the ticket counter of the Toledo Zoo when it opened. Anna played with my iPhone for almost the entire ride, something we reserve for "special occasions." This qualified.

The weather couldn't have been better for a day at the zoo. We enjoyed a picnic lunch between stops. We watched polar bears, hippos, elephants, tigers, lions, fish, camels, rhinos, eagles, hawks, and more. I think the highlight for Anna, though, was the carousel. It was her first time riding the horse on the merry-go-round, and she LOVED it. I, on the other hand, was dizzy and my pictures showed it.

My favorite animal picture of them all...this elephant found a hole in the wall to reach a bucket of hay.

Watching and waiting for our turn.

Before it started, she seemed a bit unsure. As soon as we took off, this was her reaction. I wish I could have held the camera steady (and not been so dizzy)!

Anna opened presents when we arrived home. She immediately went to work on her easel with her new chalk. She also tested out her new crayon rocks and desperately wanted to use the paint brushes, but we had a couple more gifts to open.

She loved the dry erase board, too.

Beautiful (messy!) chalk.

Crayon rocks...she liked dumping them out of the bag and putting them back in more than she liked coloring with them today.

We finished the day eating spaghetti and chocolate cupcakes with vanilla ice cream. Anna blew out two candles, and we sang "Happy Birthday to You," which she asked us to sing again and again.

Yes, it was a very happy birthday...for Anna and for Mommy and Daddy.