Saturday Night

Mo Mox celebrated her 60th birthday in December, and the six of us big kids decided we should all get together to celebrate the milestone with Mo and Papa. The eight of us dined on Italian in downtown Detroit Saturday night before taking the most riotous trolley ride to the Gem Theater to see Til Death Do Us Part. Back at the restaurant, more drinks and even impromptu dancing followed. When we finally said goodbye after 1am, Blake took Mo, Papa, and I for "dessert" of coney dogs and chili cheese fries at Lafayette Coney Island. It was the icing on the cake of a very fun evening to honor a very special woman.

It was the first time the eight of us all went out like that, and while the gathering was a gift for Jessica, I think it was a great gift for us all. I hope we can do it again...there is a 40th birthday coming up if we need an excuse!

I have only a few pics taken from my phone and one other precious photo from Sunday morning. I'm hopeful that my sister-in-law will post some of the photos she captured of the evening soon, too!

Mo and Anna snuggling on Sunday morning.

Embarrassing Truths

I sped through the shower this morning, knowing we were running late for music class. I might have skipped the soap up if I hadn't skipped it yesterday. Showers are no longer an every day occurrence. I wrapped myself in a cold towel and fumbled around in the laundry basket of clean clothes upstairs looking for a pair of underwear and found none. I really didn't want to venture downstairs in my towel to look for undies in the basket of clean whites in the family room; we have too many windows and too many neighbors within viewing distance. So I went to the underwear drawer, hoping to find a comfortable, halfway decent option. Handfuls of underwear stared at me, clean but unwearable. There are the "grannie panties" that I bought for post-baby comfort, the g-strings from a good 10 years ago that just feel too stringy these days, the holy ones that are stretched out, the thongs that I must have worn when I was a few sizes bigger, because they literally come up to my waist. The list goes on.

Buying myself new undies seems to be one of those things that's been neglected since I became a mom. Maybe I've deluded myself into thinking I have plenty - there is a drawer full of them, on top of the ones I actually wear regularly. I think I need an undie overhaul, or maybe a complete mommy makeover. Buying new undies is just one of the many things that fall low on the priority list these days. Other notable differences since becoming a mom: blow drying my hair maybe once per week, ponytails worn other days; less than daily shaving or waxing (that's being VERY generous); wearing a little cover up, lip balm, and eyebrow pencil - maybe mascara on a good day.

* * * * * * *

So, we were running late for music class, because I took a shower. Anna and I were listening to Don Alfredo Baila, a music class favorite, singing quite loudly with the music blaring, because Anna has lost a good chunk of her hearing with this ear infection. We're cruising on this stretch of road that's about a half a mile before the church parking lot where class is held, singing and smiling to the music. I pulled into the lot, parked the car, and noticed a cop car pulling up behind me.

Panic. Was I speeding? Usually I KNOW when I'm speeding. I'm a rule follower, a high C on the DISC inventory, generally risk averse, especially when it come to speed and the potential for physical harm. Nonetheless, I've had a few speeding tickets in my life, and I've been pulled over more than one time with Anna in the car. Most often, I'm rushing a little too fast because I hate being late, and I always struggle to wrangle a toddler out of the house right on time.

So, the police officer approaches my car and asks me if I did not see or hear her behind me. Apparently, I was unknowingly evading a police officer who had flashing lights and a siren blaring. I guess I was a little too immersed in Don Alfredo. To top it off (this is maybe the worst part) my most recent proof of insurance and registration wasn't in the car. I'd like to say Blake and I are both at fault for that, because I'm already so embarrassed about the speeding. I was lucky she only ticketed me for speeding.

Oh, AND, the windows of the music room were right behind me, so for the first 15 minutes of class, all of the folks were singing and watching the ticketing go down. Anna was mildly worried and a bit disappointed that she missed the first part of class. I, of course, felt like a schmuck and a bit of a reckless mother. A couple of the sympathetic moms told me it's a speed trap there. Meanwhile, I'm trying to laugh this off after the last couple of weeks we've had. It must have been the music.

Caring for Others

I turned to the bookshelves this evening after Anna finally fell asleep. I spent a few minutes alone, reacquainting myself with the books in our office - the ones I read long ago, the ones I used to flip through to for inspiration and motivation, the ones I've kinda forgotten about lately.

I have dozens of books with quotes, powerful questions, inspirational thoughts. Years ago I had a habit of going to these books when I had a question in my mind or when I might need a bit of an attitude adjustment. I'd randomly open to a page, and most often, what I'd find there was just what I needed to see.

I turned to a lot of pages tonight. I enjoyed the process and felt comforted by my old books, so I kept going beyond the first found quote. This is the one that really spoke to me tonight:

I slept and dreamt that life was joy,

I woke and found that life was service,

I acted and, behold, service was joy.

-Rabindranath Tagore

Again, Still

I woke up from a rare afternoon nap feeling immobile under the covers. Falling asleep and waking from a nap in the middle of the day has never been easy for me. It's hard to ignore the mountain of have-to's and even the want-to's when the light is bright and shining on each of them. It took me maybe two years to "learn" how to lay down while Anna naps, and even now it happens primarily under circumstances like these last two weeks.

Anna was awake throughout the night again on Friday, and she has yet another fever that has been hanging around all weekend long. While she is cutting a very angry looking molar, it appears that she may also have an ear infection. I'm hoping, desperately, that she avoids the latest vomiting illness that seems to be going around as well. For two weeks now she's been feeling crumby and tired. I've caught a version of the bug, too.

I feel like less than half of the picture of a great mom during this time. With the first round almost two weeks ago, Anna welcomed the couch time in front of the TV, and it seems to be all that she asks for right now, whether she's having sick moments or well moments. I'm not exactly up for the fight when I feel like doing the same, so we've watched more TV than I care to admit. I'm sure there must be a plethora of fun sick-day indoor activities that I could pull out of a hat, but I'm not a fountain of creative play or art ideas right now. The to do list, both the have to's and want to's have been left unattended for far too long, and while I'm relatively OK with that, because my priority is getting us all healthy again and comforting a sick kid, I'm sure the doctor's offices would like their payment soon, and the stacks of fabric sitting on my dining table aren't going to sew themselves. And, that little gremlin in my head speaks up too frequently, telling me I'm not patient or kind enough with a kid who is sick and in pain and won't or can't sleep at all hours of the night for the second week in a row and demands, and whines, and needs more and more and more.

I've been thinking a lot about that second child, and I wonder...how do people survive when they have three, four, or five sick kids? Presumably one gets over it and the next one gets it, so who ever gets a day or night of rest? While I recognize I'm my own worst critic, I sometimes wonder if I don't have some kind of "super mom" gene, the one that I imagine other moms having who can live cheerfully without sleep, whose feathers aren't ruffled by puke or high fevers, who don't lose their patience with a sick kid, and if they do, they walk away before saying anything they might find appalling later. How on earth would this work if I also had a newborn to nurse every two hours?

I pulled a book off of my night stand today, one that I've only read bits and pieces of. It's called Buddhism for Mothers of Young Children: Becoming a Mindful Parent. I opened to a section of the book today that talks specifically about patience and invites asking the question "What does this moment require of me?" It reminded me that I do get stuck seeing the "little picture" sometimes, that I'm often so exhausted by all of this because I'm wishing these moments were different. Rather than just accepting that it sucks right now and that it will pass, I fight it, which is the source of more suffering. It feels like a good time to read this book from front to back.

So, while I'm trying to accept the moment, I am also picturing a white sandy beach, blue skies, and naps that are luxurious rather than required. In two weeks, these moments will (hopefully) have passed, and we'll be healthily, happily enjoying our family vacation.

Pesto Makeover

We've been dairy free for a little over a week now, and outside of a pretty mean craving for an aged gouda, I haven't missed it too much. Eating out has proven to be the biggest challenge; everything that looks really appetizing has dairy, including every single dessert option on the menu (unless you count fresh berries).

At home, our menu hasn't changed drastically. Before we even knew we were taking casein out of our diet we'd planned a week's worth of dinners that had no dairy, or it could easily be removed. This week, though, we really wanted our favorite pesto, but without parmesan? I actually found a few vegan recipes online and tweaked them to fit our dietary needs. We all thought it was delicious...and quite comparable.

Kale Pest0...Dairy, Soy, and Nut Free

3 large garlic cloves, peeled

3 medium shallots, peeled

1 bunch of kale

1 Tbsp nutritional yeast

2 Tbsp sesame tahini

1 Tbsp freshly squeezed lemon juice

1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil (approximately)

salt and pepper to taste

pasta water or rice/coconut milk

1 pound whole wheat pasta

Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Salt the water, and add the garlic and shallots. Boil for 2-3 minutes, then add the kale, cooking for 10 seconds only. Using a slotted spoon or spider skimmer, fish the kale, garlic, and shallots out of the pot of water and transfer to a food processor. Add the yeast, tahini, and lemon juice, and puree the ingredients until smooth. Continue processing as you drizzle in the olive oil to your desired consistency. Salt and pepper to taste.

Meanwhile, reheat the pot of water used for the kale and boil pasta according to package directions. Drain pasta and place pesto in empty hot pot. Add hot pasta (I used only about 3/4 of a pound, but it depends on how much pesto you like on your pasta), stirring to coat. Add a couple of tablespoons of hot pasta water or rice/coconut milk to thin out the sauce if needed and serve immediately.

Answers...and More Questions

Blake, Anna, and I met with a holistic pediatrician at the beginning of the new year to ask some questions that have been on our mind for some time. More and more we've been hearing about the impact food sensitivities can have on sleep, sensory processing, mental and physical health. More than one health professional I know recommended exploring these possibilities with an expert in the area. I don't even remember how I discovered the book Gut and Psychology Syndrome a couple of years ago, but the ideas inside of it have been percolating in my brain for that long. It didn't take much experimenting with dietary changes and supplements for me to get some significant improvements in my anxiety and digestive health, improvements that are quick to fade if I deviate too much. Knowing that I do not tolerate dairy or soy products well, knowing Anna was colic-y and uncomfortable as an infant, knowing she has digestive difficulties among other things, Blake and I wondered if there might be something we can do to help her feel better.

I guess we expected much of what the doctor said pre and post test results. At our initial meeting, after a detailed history, she recommended running a number of tests, including food sensitivity tests, immune function tests, stool tests to assess digestive health, and a urine test to measure the presence of undigested gluten and casein proteins in her bloodstream. We were due to get blood work for the allergist anyway, so we said OK. Then we waited.

I met with the doctor last week to review our results. For some reason, even though I kind of knew we'd get some answers, I was still pummeled by the information (and maybe a bit by the way it was delivered). It all made sense; Anna has an IgA deficiency, which explains her frequent gastrointestinal illnesses; her body is unable to properly digest casein, the protein in cow and goat milk; there is an absence of certain good bacteria in her gut and the presence of other potential pathogenic bacteria (despite probiotics); and her body is showing a significant IgG antibody reaction to casein. Given this information, it was recommended that we completely remove dairy from Anna's diet for 3-6 months. New probiotics and supplements were recommended to help 'heal' her gut. We retest. Then, depending on the results, we can reintroduce raw dairy (this is the easiest to digest as it still contains the beneficial enzymes). We watch to see the impact of this reintroduction. We assess next steps.

So, Anna and I are dairy free for the time being. We're still not sure if we will follow these recommendations exactly. I think time will tell...if we see significant changes for Anna, we'll obviously be more likely to follow the suggestions. But, I'm learning more and more everyday as I do research. As with any area of medicine, the experts don't always agree on how to proceed with the kind of information we have. It's overwhelming to me, both the information and the changes we are making. So, I'm conflicted at best. I've been alternating between feeling angry and sad for Anna, because how unfair is it that she can't have traditional mac and cheese in the bathtub or pizza or quesadillas as she's grown to love them AND feeling relief and gratitude that we know something, that her dairy sensitivity is just that - a sensitivity and not a life threatening allergy. If nothing else, this will be an adventure in learning about new foods and new ways to cook. Today we bought nutritional yeast at the grocery store along with rice milk, plenty of coconut milk products, lots of seeds, a crisper full of greens, beans of all kinds, and more meat than usual...but no milk, cheese, or yogurt. Anna is handling it remarkably well, minus the occasional requests for macaroni and cheese, she's not really missing yogurt or cheese too much (or if she is, she's not mentioning it). Fortunately, she never really drank milk. She's a smart kid. She seemed to get it when we talked to her about it. We just keep emphasizing for her sake and ours that this is, hopefully, just a temporary change.

I think I'm sharing all of this because this has been such a large part of what's been occupying my mind in the last week. It's some of what's been happening in our lives, and this blog is a record of the Stuff that makes up our days. AND, I really hope that our journey to this point, the answers we get in the future, and the culinary adventures we embark on as a result might be helpful to someone else.

Normalcy

The last five nights could best be described as "life with a newborn." Anna's sickness kept her up throughout the night (and at nap time) since Wednesday. While her fever went down quickly after the first day, a nasty cough and congestion followed. We'd go from our bed, to the rocking chair, back to her bed with one of us on the floor, back to our bed, all in an attempt to find a way to get her some sleep, and hopefully us, too. Today she has improved drastically, so we're crossing our fingers that we all get some much needed rest.

While Anna felt crumby, we made a "bed" on the couch, just like Mo D did for me when I was a kid. She had a sheet, blanket and pillow in the most comfy corner, ice chips and tea at her disposal, and way too many TV and movie options in her head. We watched the Grinch at least four times, bits and pieces of Nemo and Horton, and plenty of Elmo, Clifford, and Curious George. Stories were required, of course. But, mostly, we lazed on the couch because we had as much energy as a burned out light bulb.

Yesterday, though, despite it being her worst day coughing yet, we had plans we just couldn't cancel - we had tickets to see Sesame Street Live. Dragging her out to the show might not rank with the top 10 best decisions we've made as parents, but in the end, I do think she enjoyed it, even if we couldn't read it on her face at the time. (I'm sure the people sitting around us were thrilled, but Anna was remarkable at covering her cough with her elbow with every single cough during the show. I really don't know how she remembered while immersed in it). She cracked her biggest smile when Daddy brought her an Elmo balloon and when I found her a squishy ball with all the characters on it. And, she did talk about it today as being one of her favorite things this weekend. I, on the other hand, would have enjoyed the show more if it weren't as loud as a typical rock concert. Does it really need to be that loud for kids? I must be getting old. I made the mistake of not taking my camera, so we have only a few photos from my phone.

Blake and I are, thankfully, sitting on the couch together for the first time in almost a week. While routines can get old and boring, I'm craving our routines right now. I loved the extra snuggles, but I miss playing outside with Anna, I miss sleeping, I miss jumping and running with an energetic, smiling girl. I miss seeing her wake up with a smile, and I can't wait to see that smile tomorrow, when I'm hopeful that she'll be feeling better.

Chunky Chicken Soup

Chicken soup was on the menu this week. Fittingly, Anna started coming down with a fever, cough, and stuffy nose on Tuesday night. This happened the last time I planned to have chicken soup, too. I think I'm taking it off the menu in the future!

We have two basic versions of chicken soup in this household, both of which have a few variations, depending on what we have in the house and what we feel like. Blake's version is much more labor intensive and deserves its own post later. My version is rather basic and quick, which is a requirement with a sick kid, but it's still delicious.

Chunky Chicken Soup

2 Tbsp Olive oil

1 medium onion, chopped

3 cloves garlic, minced

3 medium carrots, cut into small (1/4-1/2 inch) chunks

3 celery stalks, halved lengthwise and cut into 1/4-1/2 chunks

1 bay leaf

2 sprigs of fresh thyme

2 quarts chicken stock, preferably homemade (it makes all the difference, but you can use store-bought if need be)

8 ounces homemade (or dried) egg noodles or 2 cups cooked brown rice

2 cups cooked shredded chicken (to make this very easy, I will sometimes buy an already cooked rotisserie chicken at Whole Foods)

Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

Place large, heavy stock pot over medium heat and add olive oil. Saute the onion, garlic, carrots, celery, and herbs, stirring frequently until vegetables are soft. Add the chicken stock and bring contents to boil. I simmer this for 30-60 minutes, uncovered at first. Depending on how chunky you like your soup, cover for remaining 30 minutes. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Fold in the chicken just before serving and heat through.

Cook noodles or rice according to package directions. Place a large scoop of rice/noodles in the bottom of a large bowl and ladle soup over the rice. Enjoy with crusty bread, a salad, and plenty of tissues to wipe a runny nose.

Nature

I'm grateful that Anna, Blake, and I all love spending time out of doors, even in the snowy winter months. I've taken full advantage of the snow in a way I didn't do before Anna was born, spending time nearly every day outside; I really think it's kept me happier in the dark, often dreary, winter months. Having so much snow this week made our trips outside even better than before. And, suddenly, we've had oodles of birds to watch. It happened overnight - I know they weren't there on Wednesday, and on Friday, our trees were full of robins. I didn't know they'd be back so soon. I'm thinking they didn't realize we were going to get the snow storm of the century.

Yesterday, to our surprise, another 4 (or so) inches fell on top of the foot we already had. We finally have more than enough snow for snow shoeing. We used our snow shoes in the yard yesterday, mostly to set up Blake's new gear before our first outing today, but they were almost necessary just to walk around the house. Then we traipsed around the pristine golf course this morning with Anna on Blake's back, making a brief stop for some sledding. If that weren't enough time in the snow, Anna and Blake ventured out again to see if they could (finally) make a snow man. All this snow, and we still haven't been able to pack it together to build Frosty. But, they tried.

One of the first robins to return to our tree.

Taking a rest on a sunny Friday afternoon.

The new shoes.

We could not figure out what these tracks were. They definitely weren't other snow shoes.

There were humungous and beautiful old snow covered pine trees everywhere on the course.

Our attempt at a family photo...we need longer arms with this lens.

A rare photo of the one usually behind the camera.

The carrot was the highlight of miniature snowman-making.

Mini Frosty.

Each Babies

This was the scene on the bathroom floor this morning. In an attempt to entice Anna back upstairs to get ready for the day AND keep her busy long enough so that I could actually blow dry my hair (it doesn't happen often) for my girls' night out in Detroit, I suggested we take her babies to the beach...in the bathroom, of course. With new and old beach balls, a handmade bathing suit from Mo Mox, and a new beach towel from Daddy's Bahamas trip, we had everything we needed. Ella, Ruby, and Sylvie were buried in the sand while Anna read them story after story. After she finished "reading" the first three books (word for word, front to back, she has them all memorized), she made repeated trips to her room, insisting on more books.

I had more than enough time to blow dry my hair, which desperately needs to be cut and, therefore, takes forever to dry. We had tentative plans with Alicia and Aidan, so I had to lure her back downstairs with powerball cookies, and although we got distracted with other things, it wasn't long before she remembered the beach scene upstairs. So, as we went potty at the beach before nap time, I promised that we could, indeed, return to the beach this afternoon. I think this little girl is ready for vacation!

Note: Although Anna can say "beach" just like Mommy or Daddy, she still chooses to say "each." It doesn't help that I don't discourage it. Her "each ball" and her "each babies" book and her "each towel" sound so sweet and they won't be around for long.

Snow Fun

I wish we had more snow days. This one has been great. Daddy is working from home, and although he's mostly been in the office, we enjoyed lunch together as well as periodic visits to his workspace. Anna has been "checking on him" repeatedly this afternoon "to make sure he's OK." It's rather adorable.

She has been in a great mood, as have I. While we love our usual Wednesday schedule, with no music this morning and no Katie coming this afternoon, we've enjoyed our free time with snow playing, couch jumping, and powerball cookie-making. Anna has also spent a significant amount of time looking at cookbooks and leading around her pull-dog, Riley.

Here are a few photos of the snow...

Watching Daddy use the snow blower.

Together

It looks like we're housebound for the next day or so. The much-anticipated winter storm is already upon us. Music is cancelled tomorrow, and Blake expects to be working from home, which Anna and I are thrilled about. I'm happy to have us all together in the middle of the week for an unexpected snow day with nowhere to go and nothing we HAVE to do.

We were all together yesterday morning as well...Blake took the day off upon his return, so we decided to take Anna to the University of Michigan Exhibit Museum of Natural History. I was most amazed that I'd never been there in the more than 10 years I've lived in Ann Arbor - it was pretty impressive. Anna enjoyed the dinosaur exhibit and all the wildlife (stuffed, of course). I was a bit preoccupied trying to take a decent photo. I really struggled with the low lighting in manual mode. Most of my shots were blurry. And, my favorite subject was mostly pouty. Nonetheless, I'm really glad we enjoyed a new experience together.

This "collage" is made entirely of beetles, moths, bats, and bugs!

See what I mean? Pouty pouterson.

In the canoe.